I need more time…days like today remind me of that. If you read this blog you know that I largely use it as a canvas to convey my thoughts and passions through my own style of prose…that is often a combination a experiences, truths and imagination…often centered around my experience of my family. I hope in some way this endeavor will function one day as a testament and history…some sort of digital legacy…that my children will be able to read through and have a better sense and understanding of their father…and know with clarity how they inspired and brought me incredible joy and purpose. I hardly know my own father. I mean I know enough to know what I don’t know and know what I want to know, and most regrettably and heartrending know that what I need from him is not possible…these are the things that haunt me and still leave me sad…that I am desperately afraid I will become to my own children. I have this opportunity to do better with my own children and I trust that I am…day’s though fly by and I wonder if there is an absence of clarity in this effort…I am not sure most of the time, and this blog I think exists in part as a demonstration of that inadequacy. At the end of each work day I realize how little time I have spent with Kate and Alex…and sometimes it leaves me frantic for something more so I write something here, in the hope that somehow through this prose I can become a better father and at the very least reveal a better understanding of their father. Then there are days like today where whole experience allows me to inhale and exhale them with each breath and I know it’s all okay…and I am left wishing there was simply more time to love them…and be loved by them.
Photo by Lawrence Lewis (July 2012)
*********************
Lawrence Lewis
“There are people who believe in an absolutely transparent prose; with every respect for clarity of expression, I don’t.” – John M. Ford
About Lawrence Lewis
I do a number of things professionally...but most of all and the true purpose of what I do through "my work" is to provide for my family, be a good husband and great father, and try to make a difference as a world citizen...I guess it's not much more complicated than that 🙂